Holy crap, I made it through the day.

I'll be equally as surprised if my car doesn't have a parking ticket tomorrow.


Thank goodness for Canada Day aka Moving Day in Quebec. (I'm serious. Google it).

And for anyone needing a little fun, ask Siri on your iPhone what zero divided by zero is. Got me through the night.


Day 1

Last night Maggie and I made out pretty well in our new pad. I thought she'd be scared, so I let her sleep with me (bad, bad, bad owner!!!) but she woke up after a few hours and wanted inside her cage. We both woke up around 4am....kind of confused I guess, so we hung around, dozed off, and woke up for a walk around 06h30.

Did you see that.


SIX FREAKING THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the last SEVEN months, I've been waking up at 05h04 or 05h09 (and for the last month, sleeping in and showing up to work like a train wreck).

SIX THIRTY is like a dream.

I'll probably have to get a bit more organized because the dog walk takes a little bit longer and I'm still all confused as to how to get to work. It's technically VERY simple, but this morning I walked around for 30 minutes and then took a $12 taxi ride. The worst part is that my boss isn't even in the office and even if he was I'd be a big fifteen minutes late....but I'm a spazz like that.

I have to walk, take a bus, and then the metro. This all seems extremely confusing and overwhelming to me... part of me just wants to walk, but it's 7km and I think that would take me some time, plus in the summer I'd end up covered in sweat. Maybe I could walk home.

Holy crap. 7km? That's it? I feel like I'm another world when I'm in Plateau. Every street has a long line of stores...restaurants, cafes, shops....but all cute-like.

Maggie and I walked around for probably an hour last night. People would stop to pet her...look, I think she's cute and all...but she's not a very good looking dog. Anyway, we found a park and I made her do laps. It's this thing I do, I make her run in a circle with the leash because I can see she's a savage beast that needs to be exercised but I don't have the time. So she runs and runs and I look like a fool, cheering her on to keep running, knowing she needs to get her energy out.

The hallway has 2 steps down to the kitchen/dining room and then there is 1 step to the common area....and Maggie is scared of steps...so it will be a bit of a battle to get her used to them. When she forgets she just comes running, but when she remembers, she literally cannot figure out how to go down the stairs. It's like she's missing part of her brain in that area....But, I think she is keeping me sane. I'm totally not ready to be alone right now, and having her funny/goofy little company helps me soooo very much. I'm so very lucky.

Anyway, I managed to get to work (yay), get to work on time (yay), am sort of productive (boo, need to be extra productive), and a friend just delivered me salad from this amazing salad place that will totally bankrupt me if I don't get proper groceries.

The night I dressed up as a banana


Last night we celebrated a good friend's birthday. He really, really likes bananas. So the party really wouldn't be complete without a life sized banana, right?




It certainly was an up and down day. Lots of tears, lots of laughs, followed by what I hope to be is my last train ride to Ste Therese. Tomorrow night I'll be moved into my new place. Yay.




A win

I didn't cry today. 

I had a couple of productive meetings.

Tomorrow is a holiday here and I want to pack, sleep, and drink as much iced coffee as my body can handle (decaf, of course). 

Round One

My lawyer is this friendly, beautiful, young, non-threatening lady. 

Thirteen seconds after escorting me into the board room, I just started crying. Previously I had convinced myself to think of her as someone to help me through what is a legal proceeding...but I don't even have logical thoughts in her office.

Half of this, half of that...in the end, my marriage is dissolved into numbers and court filings. This is what breaks my heart...and my spirit. 

Relationships end...people change...wavy different things...that I can comprehend. Sitting in a lawyer's office...is so way beyond my comprehension. 

On a total subject change, I'm getting back into the 21 Day Fix game. I've had the "Extreme" version for awhile but lost my nerve to try it. My ears are all prepped (although not too much was eaten today), my blueray player is lined up to go & im hoping dedicating myself to this three week distraction will help my brain...unravel.


Rafting Sunday

Well, on that sad note, the show must go on. Today I drove 1.5 hours in Laurentians to the area near Mont Tremblent. I had a date with some white water rapids.

A few weeks ago I wrote about my failed attempt to try to get there...so I was prepared this time welllll in advance with directions. 


The drive was gorgeous. It reminded me of the Rockies (though on a smaller scale). The traffic wasn't too bad even though it was the Iron Man weekend. I got lost for a few minutes but soon I was meeting, Vincent, my private guide for the day. The Groupon wasn't for a one-on-one guide, but no one else turned up so it was just the two of us. He was the same age as me, a lifer Quebecer, but educated in a very interesting way and we had lots to talk about, when I wasn't almost falling out of the kayak. 


The water temperature wasn't too bad, but the full body wetsuit helped a lot...except I'm not thrilled about my new tan..


The rapids were a bit intense at times, but for theost part it was just a lot of paddling, and I'm sure my arms and upper back got a wicked workout!! 


We ran into some of Vincent's friends so we hung around and chat for a bit, in the middle of the water...it was just a chill day. 

It wasn't easy today to get motivated. I wanted to cancel...I wanted to stay in bed and relax. I had still to meal prep for my week...the house isn't cleaned, the drive was long...but in the end, it wasn't too long before the scenery along the drive made me very happy I hadn't cancelled. 

It hasn't been an easy weekend. It was very, very busy, which is good, but I'm still going through the ups and downs of mourning. I'm not always good at it. Maybe no one is good at it. 

I wish I had some photos of the rapids but I forgot my waterproof camera...and I'm not sure I could be bothered really in the first place. Lately I'm more about just observing...that trying to capture the moment.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with the big, bad lawyer. I'm not sure how it will go...she's nice and calm and caring...but I'm pretty anxious. Send me some positive vibes.





Separated.

I think this is my last weekend in the boonies. I asked my favourite landlord, Gustavo, if I could move in early and he was more than happy to oblige. 


July 1st is technically my moving date and in Quebec is officially considered, "Moving Day". Not Canada Day, but moving day. Oh, Quebec. You're so....weird.
I'll be able to move June 27th, so I guess I'll beat the rush. So...this post is about to get serious...and kinda sad...but nothing can change the absolute THRILL and excitement I'm feeling about moving into such a cool freaking area. 


I'm at a cafe relaxing, thinking about how things will change next month. It will be the first month that I won't be a slave to the commute from work to the boonies. As an anglophone, it's very unlikely that I'll ever find work off the island of Montreal (yes, it's an island. I still don't quite understand it all...) so for me to continue to make the commute, is not sustainable. Maybe some people can do it...but I can't anymore. I'm burnt out. 


I'm sure I've mentioned a few times that "we" are moving...& it's a temporary thing, but it's time to come clean. The "we" is myself and the dog. It may be temporary as its a furnished apartment and I have me own things in storage...but the move out is permanent. Current marital status is officially "SEPARATED". With no chance of reconciliation. 


The who, the why, the when, the how...is unimportant. My heart...is heavy, my brain..is overwhelmed with questions, my spirit...is filled with anxieties and worries...and my body is tired and feeling the effects of stress. And my credit card...has been charged a very large retainer for my...(gulp)...divorce lawyer. 


I'll never be able to understand how another person's heart or mind works, so I'm trying to focus on nurturing my heart and keeling my mind as healthy as possible. Working out, taking time for myself when I need it, seeing a shrink, making sure I reach out so that I never feel alone in an unhealthy way. 


Thankfully, I have a good job, a life here, and now I even have a handful of friends. My boss already knows about some other personal issues that I'm going through (cause when it rains, it pours), so he's been understanding although he doesn't know the entirety of it all yet. 

 I am going through an incredibly stressful time, but it does seem like I'm in the best place for a shitty situation. I still feel exceptionally blessed. Nothing can change that.


So there you have it. Probably most of you have suspected it anyway...I'm not great at hiding my reality...I just wasn't ready to put words to paper.


So again, the blog will take another turn. My life, another turn. A single girl living the life in Montreal. My new place (and new status, I guess) brings on an entirely new lifestyle. The Plateau area is an area of little shops, cute little boutiques, and brick townhouses and walk ups. I'll have a butcher, a bakery, a produce place. It's suuucccchhhhh a cute area that is soooooo awesome. And the place that I found is pure perfection and suits me sooooo well. My landlord had to leave quickly for business and we get on quite well, it just seemed like the perfect fit. 

I'm in for a rough ride...but I'm also feeling my strength. I have many, many bad days. Sprinkled throughout them are some pretty great ones too. 

Until next time...