The Flip Side of The Coin

The family of four might not be a thing...but I have a pretty cute/funny/loving consolation prize until I get on that family building stuff.



She never puts up a fuss no matter where I take her, even if its midnight at a pharmacy in a sketchy area because I forgot to refill my prescription. And forgot a bag to carry/hide her...

And end up chucking her in my purse...and having her wait patiently for 20 minutes because apparently that's the time to get your prescriptions filled in this area.


She never complains about my morning hair...


She "tries" to abide by the "no dog on the couch unless on a human's lap or a blanket" rule...


She poses in my amazing thrift store finds so that I can email photos to my mom and she'll have an idea of what size my mini leather ottoman is. 

She very politely asks me to put her to bed around 11pm. 
 She loves Starbucks too. And she tries hard to be good while I make my plans/to do notes for the week.
 She ADORES my boyfriend and loves to come meet him in the park at lunch sometimes. Even better is how she slyly won over his heart for her too.

And she supervises each and every single workout, waiting to attack me woth kisses when I'm finished.


❤❤❤🐶

My family of four ♥

Sad post ahead....

There has been a lot of progress on my beat up body this week....but I'm still not able to walk very long without pain and my mouth is still not back to normal after my surgery. I'm focusing on the positives on my foot because I've been granted permission by the physio gods to start using a stationary bike...which was pure heaven for me because until now I've been doing things like Pilates and weights....craving some cardio to just go, go, Go. 

Yet somehow this week, there has been so much talk of my previous life. A friend on Facebook asked a question about how they keep track of all of the paper in their house. I had a good idea that worked for me, and I started out my answer with, "When I was a family of four....."... and those words still haunt me.

When I was a family of four...I knew that one liked this type of yogurt and the other liked this type of bread....the tiny extra extra small ginchies belonged to this one and this one liked this kind of frozen pizza... Even in my worst days... I tried to take care of them in my own way....I looked out for them...

I remember we went to watch the fireworks somewhere and it was so busy... There was a sketchy looking homeless man and I put myself between one of the girls and the man... I remember being so angry at one of their classmates that had been super bitchy. I was so enraged at that classmate who was all of 15 years old... I was beside myself with anger.... 

I remember having an odd and awkward argument with one of the girls...and then having the opportunity to talk to her later, on our way home from the gym, admitting that I'm fumbling my way around teenagers and that I make mistakes all the time, but that I love her and consider it such a blessing that she was in my life...

I remember hearing one of them saying, "Oh, that's my step-mom" and bursting with pride. 

I remember the moments when all four of us were on the couch (five if Maggie was there....) watching TV.. 

And I never said goodbye. 

Things got so ugly and complicated with their dad, that I decided it was best if they just thought I was a screwed up jerk....and let them just be mad at me for stealing their dog....and then they'd be too angry to miss me.... 

They would all be happier without me...some kind of calm would come over their household now that one of the problems had left...and their lives would happily go on. I would be but a distant memory...

I rarely talk about my family of four. I made that choice to not continue my relationship with the girls...because I thought it would be easier for them if I wasn't in their lives...but maybe it was in part to protect me too....I was heartbroken to lose everything that came with a marriage - the husband, the in-laws, the mutual friends. Some days I still feel that heartbreak, even though I try not to dwell on the past.

I stumble across photos....never sure what to do with them...

I have all kinds of memories that are too painful to remember...so I block them out. And try to think of that as a past life...

May 2015. Just over a year ago. 

I hope that I'm right and that they think of me very little, that they are all very happy, calm, and living their lives to the fullest. I imagine them with a new bulldog that their dad has trained that both annoys them and makes them laugh a lot. Two growing girls and one dad...a family of three...that used to be my family of four. 

Falling forward (hopefully not down the stairs)....life moves on. 

Looking Better!

Wow! I just looked back at the photo I published last week of my face. I'm looking A LOT better. Most people that don't know that I had my dental surgery can't even tell that anything is different. It's still pretty sensitive, but in that area, I have no complaints. Especially when I see last week's photo...wow, I look like a monster!!

This week has been pretty low key (as opposed to my mega exciting weeks that I usually have....), but I was pretty excited after my last physio appointment because I'M WALKING!!!!!!!!!!!! No crutches, no cane, it's not the best walk, but I'm able to be on my feet a lot more, with the help of a support bandage kind of thing. It was taped for a few weeks, but because this is the summer of hell, I had a pretty bad allergic reaction to the tape and had to switch. My ankle is still extremely swollen on both sides and now has a ring around it that looks like it was stung by 9000 bees. One day I'll look at this and laugh, yes?

In 9 days I have an MRI scheduled, and I hope that will show that I don't need surgery and just need continued physio. There are some days that I get really, really down because I can't really do what I want. If I meet up with a friend for lunch, I can't go grocery shopping that same day without coming home, resting, icing my foot, etc. My walk is still pretty weird and because of my injured tendons/ligaments I can't really walk uphill. Like, it's not that it hurts - but my foot doesn't move that way anymore. It's like there is a pin that prevents the movement. This is kinda scary, but what can I do but wait...

The cool thing is that I've been able to work out and do pilates and upper body weights, but yesterday was the first day that I was able to do YOGA.
(Still not able to smile completely but you can see that the swelling is next to nothing).

This is major league exciting because yoga is kind of my thing. Again, with my injury there are a few things I can't do, but I can modify.

In other big news, Maggie is also healing from her big dental surgery. Almost too well because she has sooooooooooooooooooooo much more energy and constantly asks me to play with her. Obviously, her teeth were really bothering her and I didn't know it. Because a lot of her front teeth are missing, she can't keep her tongue in her mouth all of the time....but I kind of thing it adds to her cuteness.


She's continued to master the "pretend that you're not here" in the reusable grocery bags that I take into the stores with me when I have her. I had to wait for a prescription at the pharmacy the other day and she was totally happy to just chill out in the bag and not peek her head out, once I gave her the command to "hide".

(I think she was more annoyed that I asked her to look at me so that I could take a photo of her).

The most exciting news is that I'm taking a bit of a North American tour of the West in October. I'm going to visit my mom and company in Vancouver, then fly to Edmonton, then fly to Hawaii for 9 days, then fly back to Edmonton, then fly back to Montreal.

I have a lot of bad memories in Vancouver and it wasn't until my mom visited me a couple of weeks ago that I realized it. It's been years and years that I haven't been, everything has changed, and I'm done living in the past.

I hadn't planned on taking a trip to Hawaii, but long story short - I needed a beach and my grandma did too, so we are staying in a one bedroom suite right on the beach in Waikiki. She's been there a bazillion times and I've been there once and we wanted somewhere with nice water and it's the wet/windy season in the Caribbean.

Well, I better get back to my project...I've taken up cross stitching while my leg is healing and I'm working on a little gift for a friend.

High as a Kite

This summer....just keeps getting better and better....

Just before I fell, I had an emergency dentist because I had some weird pain. It turned out that there was an infection in the space above the root of one of my molars (I think I wrote about it briefly). I had to take some antibiotics and life went back to normal - with a follow up appointment because some work had to be done above the root - in the bone, essentially,

I really didn't think it was a big deal...I took the required anti-anxiety medication so that I could get through the THREE HOUR appointment, the dentist was kind and I like him a lot, but I left in a pretty...out of it state. I had been able to walk with the cane, but because of the drugs, I went back to one crutch.

The doctor gave me that famous codeine, which helps but seriously screws me over, and some kind of other pain killer, some very strong antibiotics (I only have to take 1 per day), and sent me home. I wasn't prepared to wake up like this:

This is THREE days later. A partial black eye, extreme swelling...and well, I'm high as a kite. I've been able to lower my pain medication, but I'm still taking it. And icing and doing everything right...but...wow.... Every time I opened my eyes at the dentist's, there was just a lot of suction and a lot of red...so I kept them closed and tried to imagine my cousin's soon to be ex-wife agreeing to come on a Mexican vacation with me next month. :D :D

I've spoken to the dentist every day who assures me this is normal....

I'm glad I had no idea that this little procedure would be such a doozy...or that my recovery time would take up the rest of the week! Also, it's clear in this photo that I am VERY high. I look like I'm on strong drugs.

I had to call to cancel my physio appointment....and half way through the call I had to laugh because it was clear that I was SUPER SUPER comfortable and clearly not able to think and speak at the same time.

Well, I'm off to walk the dog....who refuses to leave my side and must be on my lap AT ALL TIMES since my little operation. It's very cute, but.....well, I have to go to bed.


Grocery Store Slave Labour

Well, the big boot cast is finally off. I have some kind of fancy pants tape on my ankle that is supposed to help the inside injury to recover in six weeks. I'm supposed to be able to use a cane...I went out and bought one (and then had the senior's special at iHop at 16h30 that night - kidding...) but I haven't been able to use it quite yet.

I am pretty impatient, especially because I thought that once the boot was off, I would be able to come and go as I please. I was able to drive to get my hair done and I was able to do little things here and there...oh, and I'm able to sleep most nights without waking up now, but I'm still pretty limited. I'm using one or two crutches and everything requires a lot of effort....and I'm sooooooo over it.


Even the dog finds it boring...

The good news is that I've been able to modify my Beachbody workouts (more on that later) so that I can do pilates or upper body workouts from my workout room (that's what the second bedroom has been turned into until I figure out what I'm doing with it). These are helping me keep my morale up a bit and I'm sure helping the other muscles in my body while my leg is healing.

Another physio appointment tomorrow....and I'm hoping for some good news. In the meantime, yes, my kitchen has been cleaned, and I'll leave you with two photos of how I get asked to take the dog out for a walk. Her technique lacks a little subtlety.

She asks to come up on my lap, and then tries to attack my face with dog kisses.

It's funny whenever someone comes to the door, Maggie runs down the stairs to greet them because she thinks they are there to walk her. But when it's my turn to walk her (which isn't half as fun because we walk about 100 meters), I have to near force her to come with me and she'll slowly make her way down the stairs, with TONS of encouragement. I haven't been able to figure out if she's really smart enough to be scared of these stairs because she saw me fall down them.

The dog, by the way, is healing perfectly now that she is missing fifteen of her teeth and manages to eat her hard food, play "goalie" (I throw her food at her, she stops it from going under the fridge) on a regular basis, and go for hour long walks with her dog walker (who will be laid off as soon as I'm able to walk her more than five steps).

Tomorrow I have lunch with the boy, physio, and then "choosing" my groceries. I go to the store, pick what I want, put it in a cart, pay for it, and then go home and a nice young man carries it up the two steps of death trap stairs and puts all of the groceries on my kitchen table. For the big ticket price of THREE DOLLARS. Nearly every store in my area offers this service.....I'm just not sure why I've been hauling my groceries around all this time. City living ain't so shappy.

Goodnight and wish me luck for tomorrow!!

Pastry, Maggie, and my Kitchen

If you should ever find yourself in Montreal, please visit L'Artisan (address on the photo below). It was less than one block from my first Montreal apartment and it might just be the best bakery in the province....or the country. Yep, that good. The owner is very kind and he knows me because I used to go every weekend and bring Maggie, and then I brought in my grandma and aunt, and then of course, I had to bring my mom. He was very kind and gave me his card in case I needed something. I wasn't sure if there was a "wink wink" after he said that....but the thought was appreciated. :D

Yesterday before my mom left we picked up a pastry and then headed over to Starbucks 'cause the coffee is pretty crappy at the patisserie, and I also wanted to get some sun. After a two solid months of +30*C and extremely high humidity, we had a week of autumn-ish weather and some rain so the sun was much needed. And I needed some sun 'cause I've been pretty freaking crabby lately. My main injury is healing nicely, but my secondary injury is causing me some grief.

Today I went to the doctor - an orthopedic dude, who looked at my foot and saw that it was clearly far from healed and also thought it my secondary injury was fairly odd, so I need to get an MRI and come back in three weeks. Who knows when I'll get the MRI....but I have a physio appointment tomorrow to help me transition out of the big, black ski boot and onto walking again. I don't know how long it will take but it's nice to know I can try to push myself a bit more.


 Speaking of healing, Maggie is back to her true self. Little dog had FIFTEEN teeth removed, but she still has quite a few molars, so after following the vet's orders of staying on soft food for a couple of days, the little porker chowed down on a full dish of hard food. She takes her pills like a champ and has one more day of pain killers left.

Her dog walker came today and he said she was running around like the crazy dog she usually is, so clearly she's on the mend. I was very concerned about her health...and I felt so horrible listening to her whimper that first night...but, she's fine. Yesterday my mom left and I was quite upset....it's a lonely life when you're on crutches and immobile and we had a very nice visit, and Maggie was jumping all over me trying to lick my face, which she usually does whenever I cry. She'ssss back.
Speaking of bacckkkkk is the disgusting mess in my kitchen. It was clean less than 24 hours ago...but for a full week I had someone cleaning up after me....at my beck and call....helping me with every need imaginable...so now it's back to real life and cleaning up as I go. And cleaning this giant mess. Which - on crutches or wearing the boot is usually a workout!!

Overall, the news is positive...ish. The major injury is healing slowly but surely....but there's a big question mark on the secondary injury. It's painful but I like to stay off the crazy painkillers....hopefully I'll have a bit more news after physio tomorrow. I'm off to do my Pilates mat workout...since that's the only workout I can do until I'm healed. Hasta Manana...



El Cranks

Well, I passed the three week mark since Stairgate 2016 and I've been surviving. THANKFULLY, my mom came to visit me from Vancouver and has been here with me for the past week. She leaves tomorrow and I'll probably ugly cry.

I have been calling her Consuela, my Mexican Maid, because where before, I had to hobble to get anything and everything, Consuela-Mom is now there to get it for me. I, personally think I'm incredibly miserable to be around - rating myself at a 50% miserable rate and 50% normal personality rate, but she generously rated me at 30/70 (30% being the miserable).

I had planned that the day after her arrival, I would have a list of tourist sites that we'd see and I would take her everywhere with her wheeling me around in the wheelchair I rented. Her and I would see all of what Montreal has to offer and she would have an amazing vacation.

The reality? We try to do one or two errands (or none), and I have a meltdown every second day, either because I haven't ate (I don't have much of an appetite on crutches - or in the heat), because I can't do anything, or because I'm in pain and have been in pain for going on three weeks now and I'm just tired.

When we've been able to leave the house, she's helped me pick out some decorating touches for my new apartment, which she later has to carry up the stairs and....either puts together or puts away when I'm down for my "time out nap".

One day, she held me at gunpoint and forced me to get a pedicure and actually sit and enjoy my coffee, and that most certainly was the best day. It was a little awkward getting a pedicure with the leg thing in the way, but my lady got it done and I felt pretty and pampered. I even found an ENGLISH magazine at the pharmacy and read it while my feet were soaking in foamy water.

She's also helped me out with Maggie. Maggie needed her teeth cleaned and most of them extracted (shitzus have shitty teeth, but she was about 2 years overdue for this procedure). I was a complete wreck. I don't consider myself a supersticious person, but I was looking for any sign imaginable to cancel her very routine, very safe procedure. I just couldn't grasp the concept of a 3kg dog going under general anesthesia. I cried all night the night before and didn't sleep and didn't sleep much of last night either. They gave the dog morphine, which turned her into 25% Maggie and 75% zombie. She was sort of in there....but she was basically high as a kite...and making whimpering noises and shivering every so often. It was pretty pitiful.

This morning I woke up and she had somehow got to the side of my bed and was trying to cuddle with me, so I took that as a good sign. She ate, walked, drank, did her business, and slept a lot.
Oh - and she was able to keep her tongue in her mouth - something she wasn't able to do the night before.

My vet is a very caring and compassionate place and they were extra caring with me, calling me with updates and treating Maggie like the little princess she is, where they gave her a certificate of bravery.


Anyway....I have the big doctor's appointment on Monday....and I'm crossing my fingers and pretty pink toes that the boot will come off and that I can start being a little bit more mobile and a lotta bit less cranky.